Lost in emailcom
by Soul-Mage
Summary: Er... I think this is discontinued...The 7 chapters are all pretty much poorly written and odd, but if you still want to read, go ahead. Chapter 8 is my farewell to my lovely readers.
1. Logging on

HI, I'm Soul_Mage and this is my 2nd fic. Put simply, this story twists some of your favorite characters in ways you never imagined.  
  
I don't own anything, yadda yadda yadda. Too bad though, I love final fantasy. Okay, here it is, CHAPTER 1: LOGGING ON ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++  
  
The brown haired girl known as Dagger sat at her computer, unaware of what she was about to put herself through. Her green eyes scanned the computer screen for new e-mails.  
  
Dagger: "what the?? Unknown e-mail from unknown user? What's this all this about?"  
  
She clicked the mouse and suddenly, Dagger felt herself being lifted from her chair. She was sucked into her computer leaving only a pressure mark where she had sat. Moments later, Dagger found herself in a strange place. It was like a prairie only with more trees. She looked around, noticing that as the grass blew, it left tiny traces in the air.  
  
Dagger: "No way, this place is made of. Pixels? Oh Jesus, where am I?"  
  
???: " You're on the internet."  
  
??: "Isn't it obvious?"  
  
Dagger turned to find two oddly familiar girls facing her. One was dressed in pink and smiling, her long brown hair done into hundreds of braids and pulled back with a pink bow. While the other was dressed in black and gray, scowling, and had let her black hair flow around her shoulders.  
  
Dagger: "Who, are you two?"  
  
The dark one spoke first. ??: " My name is Tifia, I am your evil conscience." And then the pink. ???: " And I am called Aeris, I am your good conscience."  
  
Dagger: "Excuse me? You say you're my, what?"  
  
Aeris: " We are your consciences."  
  
Dagger: "And you expect me to believe that?"  
  
Tifia: " Remember the time you told your mother that you had been sick all night and couldn't go to school? I told you to do that. We are your conscience, whether you like it or not.  
  
Aeris: "We know every good or bad thing you have ever purposely done because we helped in the decision."  
  
Dagger: " What do you want of me you freaks?!"  
  
Tifia: " Oh nothing much, a few diamonds, pearls, world domination."  
  
Aeris: "TIFIA!!!"  
  
Tifia: " hey, she asked me what I wanted from her! I answered that's all!"  
  
Dagger, overcome by her new circumstances, passed out.  
  
Aeris: "hey, isn't she writing this?"  
  
Tifia: "That's what I thought."  
  
Aeris: "But if she's unconscious. Who's writing this?  
  
......  
  
Aeris/Tifia: Whoa boy.  
  
Annoying TV show person: Where exactly is Dagger? Are Aeris and Tifia really who they claim? If they are, how long must they battle over Dagger's actions? Who is writing this story? Tune is next chapter to find out!!! ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ +++++++++ Soul_Mage: Well folks, that's chapter one. Whaddya think? Please review. My e-mail box needs a reason to live.  
  
Oh yeah, almost forgot, I SUMMON A CHOCOBO!!! *Rides on chocobo into the sunset before getting bucked off* Owwww. 


	2. Meeting the Populace

Hiya folks! It's me, your friendly neighborhood spider man!! Whoa! Wrong script. let me try again.  
  
Hiya folks! It's me, the amazing, stupendous, almighty, AUTHOR!!! Dun dun dun!!  
  
Annoying reporter voice: "Soul_Mage, what do you think of your latest chapter?  
  
Soul_Mage: "how the heck did you get here?"  
  
ARV: "It doesn't matter, WHAT will happen in THIS chapter??"  
  
Soul_Mage: " Uh, firstly, I think my latest chapter will be a big hit and secondly, You should read it for yourself. So leave me alone."  
  
ARV: " But I'm the media!! It's my job to annoy people and tell the world what they didn't want to know in the first place!!"  
  
Soul_Mage: "Run away!!"  
  
Audience: " Yay!!"  
  
CHAPTER 2: meeting the populace //////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////// //////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////// ///  
  
Aeris: *shakes Dagger* "wake up!! Wake up!! You must tell us who is writing this!!"  
  
Tifia: "If you shut up and start looking we may find out you imbecile."  
  
Aeris: " That isn't nice Tifia!!"  
  
Tifia: "Well duh."  
  
Aeris: " Oh yeah, I forgot, my mistake!! But that still is not nice!!"  
  
Dagger: "Uggghh." *gets up groggily* " Who are you?"  
  
Aeris&Tifia: "your consciences."  
  
Dagger: "Oh yeah.hey, was either of you the one who kept telling me jokes in the 5th grade?"  
  
Tifia: "no, that was your sense of Humor but that's besides the point."  
  
Dagger: "My. sense of Humor?"  
  
There was immediately a flash and a puff of smoke as a girl with short brown hair wearing an orange jumpsuit appeared.  
  
??: "Hiya! I'm your sense of humor! Didja call?"  
  
Aeris: "Hi Selphie!"  
  
Tifia: "No! evil spawn of humor! Begone from us!!" She shrieked before running over to Selphie and beating her up.  
  
Selphie: "OWCHIES!! This is why I stay in the subconscious." She glared up at Tifia. " You big meanie!! Now you're gonna get it!!" She bounced up completely healed.  
  
Just as fists were about to fly, Aeris yelled Aeris: "Hey, stop it you guys! *sigh* Dagger passed out again."  
  
Selphie: "Hey, I thought she was the writer. Who's writing this?"  
  
Tifia: "we were discussing that before you butted in."  
  
????: "You want to know who is writing this? It is I!!"  
  
Selphie: "Who is I?"  
  
????: "Grrrr. I am your worst nightmare!"  
  
Tifia: "THE CAREBEARS!?!?"  
  
Aeris: "Sepheroth!!" *curls into fetal position*  
  
Selphie: "What's black, white, and read all over?"  
  
Everyone looked at Selphie in complete confusion.  
  
Selphie: "Dagger's e-mail bwah ha ha ha!"  
  
Dagger looked at her in pity. (Yes, she's awake) Dagger: "That is one seriously bad joke."  
  
Tifia: "Why the Hell are you telling jokes at a time like this you loser?!"  
  
????: " If you guys are done conversing, I'll continue."  
  
And everyone, in tones you would use for the weather, All: "Yes, please continue."  
  
????: "Thank you. *Ah-HEM* I AM SPAM!!! *Dun dun dun! *  
  
All: "NOOOOOO!!"  
  
SPAM: "That's right you fools! I am the evil that fills your inboxes with tons of advertisements about botox and increasing your cup size!!"  
  
Selphie: "I know what S.P.A.M. stands for!! Stuff Posing As Meat!!"  
  
Aeris: " Selphie, that is the weird canned stuff in supermarkets, this SPAM is like Telemarketers on e-mail."  
  
Selphie: "Augh!! The Telemarketers!!"  
  
Dagger: "sorry to ruin your evil scheme, SPAM, but my inbox rejects e-mail from folks I don't know."  
  
Aeris: "That's right! . So you can stop plotting now Tifia."  
  
Tifia: *startled from her insane ideas* "wha?! What are you talking about, I didn't do anything. I don't know anything!!!"  
  
SPAM: "Nooo! You have ruined my plan!! For now. But someday, when you're building a new e-mail, I'll be back!!" And SPAM vanished into the virtual twilight.  
  
Dagger: "Well that was weird. *sigh*" But, as she tried to dissipate back to the real world, she was yanked back in.  
  
Dagger: "What? Hey, are any of you sealing my exit?"  
  
No one answered because Selphie and Tifia were busy fighting and Aeris was trying to get them to stop.  
  
Dagger: ".. I have the feeling I'm gonna be here for a while..." ________________ _________________________ ______________________ ___________ Stupid announcer person: Is SPAM gone for good? Will Dagger's brain continue to quarrel amongst itself? Will more people emerge from Dagger's mind? Will I ever get a life and do something besides announce things that no one cares about? All this and more (or maybe less) in the next installment of  
  
LOST IN E-MAIL.COM!!! *dun dun dun*  
  
  
  
ARV: "Well that's Chapter 2. Waddaya think Soul_Mage?"  
  
Soul_Mage: "Leave me alone you freak!!" (Smacks ARV upside the head) Wow, I feel better. ^-^  
  
I hope all you adoring readers enjoyed my bizarre story. I promise it gets better in the next few 'cause I will be putting in more characters. Oh yeah, if you folks are so kind as to review, I will welcome any ideas of what to do to the characters, including adding new characters (from 7-10 only please) and new brain parts to bring to life. Thank you for your patronage.  
  
Soul_Mage: "I summon Ifrit! *Ifrit appears* Fry anyone who reads this and doesn't write a review!"  
  
Ifrit: " yes master"  
  
Soul_Mage: "bye bye everyone!" 


	3. couldn't think of a good chap name

Hello again! This is the creator of all that was, and is, and all that will be. Otherwise I'm known as Soul_Mage. I finally escaped from the media. or so I'd like to think and I'm here to tell you more about the sad little e-person, Dagger.  
  
Dagger: "I'm not as sad, (meaning pathetic), as you!"  
  
Soul_Mage: "Shut up, I haven't started writing yet."  
  
Dagger: "and when will you let me out of here?"  
  
Soul_Mage: "Never! Now go back in the story before I am forced to do something evil."  
  
Dagger: (skeptically) "Like what?"  
  
Soul_Mage: "like I'll force you to listen to bagpipes for the whole next chap. And I'll run away so I don't have to listen to it."  
  
Dagger: "NO!!! NOT BAGPIPES!!!" *runs away*  
  
Soul_Mage: "don't you just love power? So here it is: the next powerfully (I like power.he he.) demented chapter yet,  
  
CHAPTER 3: More people come and.stuff happens! You don't believe me? Read it for yourself.   
  
Dagger, Selphie, Tifia and Aeris sat around a roaring campfire roasting marshmallows.  
  
Selphie: *points to flames* "where did this come from? Last thing I remember is fighting with Tifia."  
  
Dagger: *drool* "pretty flames. he he.burn burn burn."  
  
Selphie screamed at the pyromaniac. Selphie: "Hell-O!!! Are you listening!?"  
  
Dagger: "Oh! Wha? Who's there? Oh. It's just you. I typed it in."  
  
Selphie: "You typed it in? Wow, that kinda power is scary."  
  
Tifia: "Not as scary as something else."  
  
Selphie: "really? What?"  
  
Tifia: *whispers* "the telemarketers."  
  
Selphie: "Augh!! The telemarketers!!!" *huddles into fetal position*  
  
Tifia threw her marshmallows into the flames, causing Dagger to oooh and ahh at the spectacle. Tifia: "Argh! This is boring!! Since when are we all cumb-bye-ya all of a sudden!? I wanna blow something up already!"  
  
Aeris: "you are so single minded. Havoc this, chaos that, let's get some nukes and blow up the communists. It gets really boring you know."  
  
Dagger: *deep in thought* "hmmm. There must be more."  
  
Aeris: "huh? More what, Dagger?"  
  
Dagger continued to stare at the flames. Dagger: "Well, there is more to me than my humor and conscience right?"  
  
Tifia: "of course there is."  
  
Aeris: "but don't you want to find a way out?"  
  
Dagger: "yeah, but since I seem to be stuck here I might as well spend my time 'finding myself'. Literally. So what were you saying Tifia?"  
  
Tifia: "Of course there are more parts to you. It's just that all of them piss me off, especially.*shudders*"  
  
Dagger: "especially who?"  
  
Tifia: "common sense." *dun dun dun*!!  
  
Dagger: "my common sense?"  
  
Suddenly there was another flash and puff of smoke. When the smoke cleared there was a guy dressed all in black leather with brown hair and an extremely neutral face.  
  
Dagger: *thinks* 'Wow, talk about a natural poker face.' "Are you my common sense?"  
  
Selphie: "hiya Squall!"  
  
Squall: "hi Selphie."  
  
Aeris: "Why do you look so down Squall?"  
  
Squall: "I wish Riona was here."  
  
Dagger: " Are you my common sense? Who's Riona? WHY THE HECK DOES NO ONE TELL ME ANYTHING?!?!"  
  
Amazingly, there was yet another poof and a girl in blue with black hair appeared.  
  
Riona: "I'm Creativity!!"  
  
Dagger: " This is REALLY getting too weird."  
  
Selphie: "Anybody want a marshmallow?"  
  
  
  
Annoying Announcer Person: " Is the media really gone? Will Tifia do something that won't bore Aeris? Will anyone ever go to the restroom in this story? Will Dagger give in to peer pressure? Will any of you realize that 'peer pressure' is a toiletry joke? Will Soul_Mage ever get me a decent script? Find out (hopefully) in the next chapter of:  
  
Lost in e-mail.com! *Dun dun dun*  
  
Soul_Mage: Well I can't think of anything to say about this chapter so here for your personal entertainment is a bagpipe troupe!  
  
Music: do, do do do, do do DO! DO, do do do DO dododo do do do do.  
  
Soul_Mage: Ears. bleeding. run away!!  
  
Audience: yay!  
  
Soul_Mage: *jumps on chocobo* flee into the distant mountains! . oh yeah. I live in the mountains. Okay. Flee into the distant valleys! (that doesn't sound right but ok.) *get's bucked off* Owww, dang. I really got to train this thing. *gets pecked* Owch.  
  
Audience: yay! 


	4. A real person arrives!

I haven't put this down for a while so here it is: I don't own Final Fantasy, I don't own the stupid announcer persons, I do own my version of Dagger however (who is not, I repeat: NOT the dagger from ff9) and I also own, ICE CREAM!!! *chomp*  
  
Soul_Mage: "Okey dokey, hiya, this is the ruler of the cosmos speaking, I have a special announcement to make: I will soon start putting cameos of the reviewers who ask in the story. So, who wants to join the madness?"  
  
*Crickets chirp*  
  
"Humph. Okay, everyone who I change into a cameo will get to input a un- put-downable suggestion as long as it is not gross such as making out with the characters. (Hugs are fine)"  
  
Audience: "yay!"  
  
Soul_Mage: "that's more like it! On with the story."  
  
CHAPTER 4: A real person arrives! %%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%  
  
Selphie: "Marshmallows! Marshmallows! *Te he! *"  
  
Tifia: "Shut up."  
  
Selphie: "why should I?"  
  
Tifia: "because otherwise the telemarketers will come and get you."  
  
Selphie: "ahhh! The telemarketers!!" *fetal position resumed*  
  
Dagger: *counts* "Aeris: good conscience, Tifia: evil conscience, Selphie: sense of humor, Riona: creativity, Squall: common sense And me. Is that everyone?"  
  
Squall: "That's 'and I'."  
  
Dagger: "so, is that everyone?"  
  
Squall: "no one ever listens to me. *sob*"  
  
Aeris: *tends to the shrieking Selphie* "that sounds about right."  
  
Dagger: *brightens* "I wonder if I can type someone in." *types*  
  
Suddenly a boy with spiked blonde hair and shockingly blue eyes appeared.  
  
Dagger: "Cameron." *passes out*  
  
Aeris: "this is getting really annoying."  
  
Tifia: "for once I agree with you."  
  
Cameron: "Wha?? Where am I?! Who are you? I was just checking my e-mail and now I'm here!"  
  
Selphie: "you're cute!"  
  
Tifia: "the telemarketers."  
  
Selphie: "ahh!"  
  
All: "that's just sad."  
  
Riona: "yeah but she's right, you are capital CUTE!"  
  
Squall: "Riona?!" *sob*  
  
Cameron: "that's very nice but will someone PLEASE tell me what's going on here?"  
  
Squall: *points* "do you recognize that girl?"  
  
Cameron: "yeah, that's dagger, she was in my 7th grade. But what does that have to do with anything?"  
  
Aeris: "She had a huge crush on you."  
  
Cam: "she did?"  
  
Tifia: *still watching Selphie gibber* "yeah, she practically passed out when you talked to her."  
  
Riona: "apparently she liked you so much that she brought you here with the rest of us."  
  
Cam: "and who are you?"  
  
Selphie: "I'm Selphie! I'm Dagger's sense of humor! Pleased ta-meecha!"  
  
Cam: "Excuse me?"  
  
Selphie: "Hu-mor"  
  
Aeris/Tifia: "Conscience."  
  
Squall: "Common Sense. Who everyone ignor..."  
  
Riona: "Creativity!"  
  
Squall: "See? Even my girlfriend ignores me!"  
  
Cam: " You are aspects of her mind?"  
  
Selphie: "Yup! We're from downtown cerebrum!"  
  
Dagger awoke. Dagger: ".*yawn* Cameron!"  
  
All 'cept Cam‡: "DON'T PASS OUT AGAIN!!!"  
  
Cam/Dagger: "Eep."  
  
  
  
S.A.P.: "Will more people come? Will Selphie ever get over her fear of telemarketers? Will Dagger realize that Cameron now knows that she has a crush on him? Will anybody ever pay attention to Squall? Find out next time on:  
  
Lost in e-mail.com!!!   
  
Soul_Mage: "Now it's time for reviewer corner! ^-^"  
  
Tifia: "is that the best name you can come up with?"  
  
Soul_Mage: "Shut up, I don't recall you helping thinking up a name."  
  
Alpha Blades: Cool. I'm glad you liked it. 10 thumbs? COOL!! I bet that helps in the stupid mini games. I understand your feeling for script- type, I normally write, well uh, normally but I decided to try something different. Thanks, Spam is probably my favorite original character so far. The characters not being their actual personalities is kinda the point. Dagger in this story actually is not intended to resemble Garnet (who I plan to throw into the mix) I just stole the name and the personality is taken from assorted people (The pyromaniac ref. Is me)  
  
Tifia, well let me explain, when I was first playing ff. I liked to imagine that there were people inside my head dictating what I should do. (Where this story originated) I liked the names Tifia and Aeris and since Tifia was the 'head of the evil department' she is Dagger's evil conscience.  
  
I'll read your stories. It's the least I can do since you're the only person to give me a decent review.  
  
Wufei aka Em: I'm working on it! ^-^  
  
Yasha Clstmk213: OK! I will continue to write because of this review! ^-^  
  
Soul_Mage: "Well that's it! ICE CREAM! ^-^"  
  
Chocobo: "Kweh." *pecks*  
  
Soul_Mage: "ow ow OW!"  
  
Audience: "yay!" 


	5. The Dark

*sings* I don't own anything, not Final Fantasy, the net or spam, oh no, I don't own anything, so don't sue me claiming a scam!  
  
A brown haired girl enters, wearing white mage robe over jeans and a T- shirt. Soul_Mage: *evil grin* "Mwah ha ha ha!! Now is the time for ice cream!! *chomp*"  
  
FFCharacters: *glare of doom*  
  
Soul_Mage: "awww, fine, ya meanies. Now is the time for chapter 5!  
  
FFCharacters: *smile*  
  
Soul_Mage: "I feel so loved. ^-^"  
  
Tifia: "you have too many faults to be loved, and besides, you're a loser ya loser!"  
  
Aeris: "Aww, I know you're just saying that. ^-^"  
  
Tifia: "Shut up Aeris! You're just as stupid as her! And stop making those stupid faces!"  
  
Soul_Mage: *stupid grin* "Everyone likes me!"  
  
Tifia: *mutters* " I strongly doubt that."  
  
Soul_Mage/Aeris: ^-^  
  
Tifia: "I hate you. Both of you. Now on with the story."  
  
Soul_Mage: "AND ICE CREAM!!"  
  
Tifia: "and ice cream."  
  
CHAPTER 5: The dark messenger. //////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////// /////////////////////////////////////////////////////  
  
Dagger: "Cameron! Hi it's been over, let me think. 7 months since I saw you last! Oh yeah, sorry for my entourage but we are all trapped here and I thought you could help us since you're so smart."  
  
Cam: "so you got me stuck here too?"  
  
Dagger: "oh please, Cam, if we don't work together we'll be stuck here together forever!! *mumbles* not that that's a bad thing."  
  
Cam: "huh?"  
  
Dagger: "oh I was just, uh, asking you if you thought we might need some back up."  
  
Cam: *looks at the antics of the Final Fantasy look a-likes*"by the looks of things. We'll need all the help we can get."  
  
Dagger: "Okay!! *types* (to: my entire mailbox. Subject: Help! Message: Help! We're stuck in www.Lostine-mail.com. Come at your own risk.) How's that sound?"  
  
Cam: "fine, send it."  
  
Dagger: "Wow! I feel so adventurous!" (You just know she's asking for trouble, saying the name of one of her mind's elements.)  
  
Suddenly, (what did I tell you?) a blonde haired guy with a monkey tail appeared.  
  
Zidane: "Adventure's my name, Zidane's my game!"  
  
Squall: "that's, Zidane's my name, Adventure's my game."  
  
Zidane: "Whatever."  
  
Squall: "why, WHY does no one ever listen to me?! *sob*"  
  
Tifia: "Okay! I say we trash this place and turn it into a virtual hell!  
  
Aeris: "No! Let's turn it into a resting place for weary site searchers!"  
  
Selphie: "What would be fun to make and even funnier when it's done?" ~long pause~ "a joke site!" *crickets chirp*  
  
Riona: "let's make it into a fan-art site!"  
  
Zidane: "an RPG Adventure site!"  
  
Squall: "Shouldn't we be trying to find a way out rather than argue?" *Others continue fighting* "No one ever listens to me. *sob*"  
  
Cam: "Why is everyone calling me Cam? My name's Cameron."  
  
Dagger: " 'cause it's easier to type."  
  
Cam: "oh, okay."  
  
Moments later, a cloud flies down from the sky bearing a couple dressed in black. The guy wearing dice all over his clothes, the girl's with stickers of bunnies saying stuff like 'I know how you feel, I just don't care'.  
  
Dagger: "Tom! Duke! How is ya? Hey, where'd you get that ring. Oh my god, Tom! You and Duke finally got married?!"  
  
Tom: "Yup! I keep tellin' ya, you can get ANYTHING online now."  
  
Duke: "She almost left me for a fireman."  
  
All: " . . ."  
  
Cam: "Who are these people?"  
  
Dagger: "oh, Cam, this is Tom, she goes to my school, and Duke is her husband."  
  
Tom: "Dagger, is THIS the guy you keep yapping about?"  
  
Dagger: "SHUSH!"  
  
Cam: "it's okay, I figured it out."  
  
Dagger: "That I have a crush the size of mount St. Helen on you?"  
  
Cam: "yeah. Wait, WHAT?! I didn't know you still had a crush on me!"  
  
Tom: "Well, Cat's out of the bag now. Oh yeah, you're cute, what's your name again? Cam. . Hey are you strong enough to brake rubber bracelets?"  
  
Cam: "Wha?!?   
  
Stupid Announcer Person: " Will the characters change Lostine-mail.com into a hell-like resting place for weary site searchers where they can tell jokes, create fan-art, play RPGs and try to find a way out? Will Cam, Duke or Tom find a way to get out when Dagger is too busy passing out to? Has anyone noticed that Stupid Announcer Person's initials are SAP? See you next time on: Lost in e-mail.com!! *dun, da dun dun, DA DUN!!*   
  
Soul_Mage: ^-^ "Well, that was chapter 5!"  
  
Tifia: "I said stop making those d*** faces!"  
  
Aeris: "Tifia! Don't swear in front of the readers!"  
  
Tifia: "Why not? Besides, you stopped making the faces didn't you?"  
  
Aeris: "OH YEAH?!"  
  
Tifia: "YEAH!"  
  
Aeris: ^-^ ^-^ ^-^ ^-^ ^-^  
  
Tifia: "WELL F*** you! You can go to h***! You don't like swearing? TAKE THIS! @$###%!! %^%#^^*! %^%#!! ^%^$*&)%^^%!!"  
  
Soul_Mage: calmly "stop that right now or else."  
  
Tifia&Aeris: " ^-^ $#$$# ^-^ !!@#$?! ^-^ E$%#$!"  
  
Soul_Mage: "Can't say I didn't warn them."  
  
Telephone: "ring ring RING!!"  
  
Tifia&Aeris:*answer it* "hello?"  
  
Telephone: "Have you asked your doctor about Viagra?"  
  
Selphie: "AHHH!!! THE TELEMARKETERS!!!"  
  
Tifia&Aeris: *hang up*  
  
Aeris: "I now know the true meaning of fear!"  
  
Tifia: "Selphie, I'm sorry I made fun of you about being scared of telemarketers!! I'm sorry! I'm so sorry!"  
  
Selphie: "the telemarketers."  
  
Tifia: ". You know that if you didn't do that you wouldn't be so fun to make fun of."  
  
Soul_Mage: "well! Now that THAT has taken care of, it's time for reviewer corner! Dang I wish I had a better name for it than that."  
  
AlphaBlades: Yup! Dagger isn't garnet! Well she is. yadda yadda yadda. Sorry! Selphie will most likely continue to fear telemarketers for the rest of the story. Hey! I never said Aeris and Tifia told me what to write! They just inspired the story.  
  
Wufei aka Em: Well, I have common sense; I just don't listen to it. Hey I know! I can have someone like Zell be stupidity and he and Selphie can be the dorks of the group! Go ahead and rant. I like it! Long disturbing reviews inspire me!  
  
Marty78: Lol is great! Okay I've put squall in, I can't decide what elements of Dagger's mind I could make Seifer and Irvine. Any ideas? I won't try to make you write longer reviews but I will say that if you do, I'll greatly appreciate it. The more disturbing the better! Oh yeah! *hug* you're the only person to write a review for each of my posted chapters! Thanks!  
  
Soul_Mage: "Well folks I'm done writing for now. Let me say that chapter 6 is an alternate ending. It takes up only 1 chapter so when the story is 'finished', KEEP READING!! The story will continue being written from this point in chapter 7. I summon a moogle!  
  
Moogle: " KUPO! Hiya Soul_Mage! So you need help with your chocobo?"  
  
Soul_Mage: *has Chocobo pecking on head* "Yes."  
  
Moogle: "Here's what you do. *whisper whisper*"  
  
Soul_Mage: *brightens* "Okay! I'll try that! Ow! Will you stop pecking me you stupid chocobo!?"  
  
Chocobo: "Kweh." *keeps pecking*  
  
Audience: "Yay!" 


	6. Alternate Ending

Soul_Mage: "Okay, let me try this again, THIS IS NOT THE END OF LOSTINE- MAIL.COM!!! When I originally wrote an outline for the story this was the ending chapter. HOWEVER, I decided to continue writing the story starting from the end of chapter 5. This chapter is how it COULD have ended. BUT I'M NOT ENDING IT THIS IS AN ALTERNATE ENIDNG!!! THIS STORY WILL CONTINUE FROM THE LAST CHAPTER!! Okay, I hope everyone understands now.  
  
I don't own anything I write about in this story, not Cameron (too bad), not Final fantasy, not spam, not Tom or Duke, all I own is my ideas and my version of Dagger. Well, I also own ICE CREAM!! ^-^"  
  
Tom: "What is it with you and ice cream?"  
  
Soul_Mage: "It's so tasty! All the vanilla-y goodness makes me happy!"  
  
Tom: "you're really weird you know that?"  
  
Soul_Mage: "yeah, do you want some?"  
  
Tom: "Heck yeah!"  
  
Soul_Mage&Tom: "yum! ^-^"  
  
Soul_Mage: "Oh yeah, Tom this chapter is dedicated to you 'cause you are the only person I actually know who reads this! So, would you like the honors?"  
  
Tom: "sure. Okay, here is chapter 6."  
  
Soul_Mage: "which is an ALTERNATE ENDING."  
  
Tom: "Yeah, so here it is, chapter 6. Oh, and let apologize now that this chapter is not like the other ones."  
  
CHAPTER 6: Alternate Ending////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////// ////////////////////////////////////////////////////  
  
Cam: "What?!"  
  
Dagger: "Whoa, whoa! WHAT?"  
  
Tom: "I asked him if he was strong enough to brake rubber bracelets. That's all."  
  
Dagger: "I AM PERFECTLY AWARE ON WHAT YOU SAID!"  
  
Tom: "so why did you ask?"  
  
Dagger: "Look, I brought him here so you're not touching him you hear!?"  
  
Tom: "Why not?"  
  
Cam: "Whoa! Do I not have any say in this?"  
  
Dagger&Tom: "NO!!"  
  
Dagger: "I am as good as the writer! I can do anything I like!"  
  
Aeris: ". You can? But if everything happens the way you want it to, would you be having this argument?"  
  
All: ". . ...Whoa."  
  
Dagger: "Holy S***! Who's writing this!?"  
  
Mysterious Voice: "I am the Creator."  
  
Aeris: "It must be god!" *falls on her knees*  
  
Tifia: "Get up, *sigh* it's Lucifer."  
  
Aeris: "Satan? NOOOO!"  
  
Selphie: "It's the King of Telemarketers!" *twitch*  
  
Riona: "It's the embodiment of all art!"  
  
Squall: "It COULD be one of us."  
  
All: "Of course not!"  
  
Squall: "no one EVER listens to me."  
  
Zidane: "The endolions!"  
  
Tom: "Sidartha!"  
  
All: "Who's that?"  
  
Tom: "Buddha."  
  
All: "oh."  
  
Yugi: "The true master of the cards!"  
  
Dagger: "Hey! You're not in this story!!"  
  
Yugi: "Sorry!"  
  
Dagger: "Cameron?"  
  
Cam: *thinks really really hard* "No!" *points to Tom* "It's you! You are the one writing this!"  
  
Tom: *looks around* "YES! Bwah ha ha ha! I have trapped you all her for eternity! Come Duke!" *Duke&Tom start dissipating into the virtual night*  
  
Everyone threw themselves at Duke and held him down.  
  
Tom: "Let him go!"  
  
All: "no!"  
  
Tifia: "and leave me stranded here with all of these losers? You wish!"  
  
Tom: "You can come."  
  
Tifia: "really?" *lets go*  
  
Dagger: "no! We will not let go till you let us out!"  
  
Cam: "We'll persevere!"  
  
Tom: "Let Duke go!"  
  
All: "No!"  
  
Duke: "Let me go!"  
  
Riona: "and let a cute guy like you get away? No."  
  
Squall: "Riona?!" *sob* Tom: "Fine! I'll let you go!"  
  
Dagger: "Cam first!"  
  
Tom: "Why?"  
  
Dagger: "Cause I got him into this mess."  
  
Cam: *dissipates* "Write me!"  
  
Tom: "Okey dokey, say bye to Lostine-mail.com!"  
  
Selphie: *giggles* "Tap your heels three times and say 'there's no place like home'!"  
  
Tom: "Ahhh! The wizard of oz!"  
  
All except Tom and Duke dissipate. They hug.  
  
Tom: "Let's go buy some cds online to celebrate the evil done today!"  
  
Duke: "Yes mistress of the universe." *drool*  
  
Tom: "Oh you know just what to say to a girl."  
  
END OF ALTERNATE ENDING  
  
Soul_Mage: sorry guys! No S.A.P. today. He's very bored with nothing to announce.  
  
~Far away, in a corner, the stupid announcer person sits clipping his toenails~  
  
Tom: "How come I'm the bad guy?"  
  
Soul_Mage: "Shut up. You liked how I cameod you and you know it."  
  
Tom: "True, true. Hey, you have any of that ice cream left?"  
  
Soul_Mage: "Yes, but you can't have any."  
  
Tom: "Why not?"  
  
Soul_Mage: "I'm saving it for a special occasion."  
  
Tom: ". You're eating it right now."  
  
Soul_Mage: "Nooo! You can't have my preecious!"  
  
Tom&Soul_Mage fight. After a while Soul_Mage emerges triumphant eating her precious.  
  
Soul_Mage: "Whew! Okay! Time for reviewer corner!"  
  
Tom: "THAT'S your name for where you respond to your reviews?"  
  
Soul_Mage: "Hey! I'm open for suggestion! What would you name it Mrs. Smarty pants?"  
  
Tom: "Um, let's see. I dunno."  
  
Soul_Mage: "I rest my case."  
  
Marty78: Just in case you haven't noticed, THIS CHAPTER IS NOT THE END OF THE STORY!! The story will continue as if this chapter never occurred in chap. 7. Tifia really doesn't like those faces. I like the idea for Seifer. Irvine, here's a little secret, girls think about it to. The only difference is we keep it in. I'm hoping that the moogle's advice will help. I've developed about 10 bumps on my head from all my chocobo's pecking. 


	7. Acceptance

Soul_Mage: "Hiya! How is ya!? Whoa. again with the weird accent. I feel so unloved! No one wrote a review for the last chapter! Well, anyways, as you can see: Lost in e-mail.com is CONTINUEING!!! It has not ended!! It's going on!!"  
  
Squall: "I think they get the point."  
  
Soul_Mage: "I am still writing the story!! While eating ice cream!"  
  
Squall: *sigh* "The reason she hasn't written lately is because she went on a ski trip."  
  
All: "LEAVING US BEHIND!" *sob*  
  
Tom: "Two new characters are joining the madness and, alas, one will be leaving us."  
  
Soul_Mage: "You're gonna kill one of my characters?!"  
  
Tom: "Not unless they make me mad."  
  
Soul_Mage: "Don't kill anyone or else I won't let you have any more ice cream!"  
  
Tom: "You're not letting me have any anyways!"  
  
Soul_Mage: "Ok, if you don't kill anyone unnecessarily I'll buy you some mocha ice cream."  
  
Tom: "How do I know you won't eat it?"  
  
Soul_Mage: " 'cause I hate coffee."  
  
Tom: "tch. Fine."  
  
Squall: "Now here's:"  
  
CHAPTER 7: Acceptance .  
  
Dagger: "TOM, LEAVE HIM ALONE!!"  
  
Cam: "Thanks.."  
  
Dagger: "He's mine."  
  
Cam: "WHOA!! WHAT?!"  
  
Aeris: "No I called him first!"  
  
Tifia: "No way, fool! I did!"  
  
Riona: " Forget it! I called him!"  
  
Squall: "Riona!?" *sob*  
  
Selphie: "I said he was cute before any of ya'll did!"  
  
Tifia: "Shut up before the telemarketers come after you."  
  
Selphie: "ahhh!"  
  
Cam: "were all of you taking bets on whose boyfriend I'd be?"  
  
All girls: *smile innocently* " he he. yes."  
  
Cam: " Jeez, you guys are sickos. I'm outta here." (Dissipates into the night.)  
  
Dagger: "Noooo!! How did he get out! Now I'll never get his e-mail address! Well, if he can get out, well, so can I! *Tries to dissipate again, only to fail* Darn it!"  
  
All: "Yea! That means you've got to stay with us!"  
  
Dagger: plops down in exhaustion " ROLL CALL!"  
  
(Everyone lines up obediently while Dagger does the call.)  
  
Tom: "didja forget someone?"  
  
Dagger: "Oh, I thought you and Duke left with Cameron."  
  
Tom: "Nah, Duke hasn't broken my bracelet yet."  
  
All: ". ."  
  
Dagger: "Well, when he does, be sure to tell me so that I may run around in circles screaming until I hit something and pass out won't you?"  
  
Tom: "Sure thing."  
  
Tifia: *whispers* "That girl and her husband are really beginning to annoy me."  
  
(Amazingly *heavy sarcasm* a little girl with blue hair appeared.)  
  
Eiko: "Eiko, that's my name don't wear it out!"  
  
Zidane: "Hi Eiko-"  
  
Eiko: "I SAID DON'T WEAR IT OUT!!  
  
Zidane: ". . Okay, what is your job?"  
  
Eiko: *proudly* "I'm annoyance!"  
  
Squall: *mutters* "Oh great, just what we need. another Selphie."  
  
Eiko: "HEY! I heard that! You better not mess with me! I'm a summoner!"  
  
Squall: "Well, I've got a gunblade."  
  
Eiko: " I bet your big bad gunblade is just making up for something."  
  
Squall: "Why, you, little."  
  
Aeris: "Leave her alone Squall."  
  
Squall: "but, but she just."  
  
Riona: "I'll make leaving her alone worth your while."  
  
Squall: "well, uh. uh."  
  
Eiko: "Let me guess, Squall. Your job is pathetic ness?"  
  
Squall: @-@ "Riona, if I only HALF beat her up will you make it half worth my while?"  
  
Riona: "no."  
  
Eiko: "Geez, girl! You are SOOO sappy!"  
  
Riona: "On second thought, go ahead Squall."  
  
Squall: "he he he." *cracks knuckles*  
  
Eiko: "uh oh. *runs behind Zidane* protect me!"  
  
Zidane: "Whoa! This is YOUR problem. I guess you'll have to learn it the hard way."  
  
Eiko: "YOU TRAITOR!!"  
  
(Eiko kicks Zidane where it hurts. he falls over in pain.)  
  
Zidane: "Oh geez, when I can feel my gut you are SO gonna get it."  
  
(Zidane and Squall proceed to chase Eiko. Another guy who had spiked blonde hair and a HUGE sword appeared and blocked them)  
  
Cloud: "Leave her alone!"  
  
Aeris&Tifia: "Oh Cloud!!"  
  
Aeris: "I've missed you so much!"  
  
Tifia: "Not as much as I missed him!"  
  
Aeris: "How can you miss someone? You're evil!"  
  
Tifia: "I missed him in a bad way."  
  
Aeris: ". Okay. Cloud what is your job?"  
  
Cloud: *still holding off Squall & Zidane* " Oh, I'm uh, well chivalry and nobility. Stuff like that."  
  
(Zidane & Squall give up)  
  
Tifia: "Wow, not only hot but he's a good guy too?" *sigh*  
  
Aeris: *skeptically* "You hate good guys."  
  
Tifia: "Well, uh, yeah but uh."  
  
Cloud: "They're fighting over me, I feel so loved."  
  
Zidane: "Well at least your girlfriends are here. Hey, here's an idea: We can double date! You can date the pink one and I'll date the dark one!"  
  
Cloud: "get your own girlfriend."  
  
(Zidane and Cloud pull out weapons and begin fighting)  
  
Aeris&Tifia: "They're fighting over us. I feel so loved. ^-^"  
  
Tifia: "Oh great, now you've got me doing it!"  
  
Selphie: "HA HA!"  
  
Tifia: "what did I tell you about the telemarketers?"  
  
Selphie: "Ahh!"  
  
Dagger: "You all know what? I'm tired of everyone popping up randomly." *Starts hitting head against tree* "Come out! Come out! Come out all of you stupid little people! Come out of my head!!" *passes out from exhaustion*  
  
Tom: "How many times has she passed out now?"  
  
Aeris: "Let me think. 1 2 3 4.  
  
~Time passes~  
  
Aeris: 98 99 100 101."  
  
Tom: "OKAY! All right! Forget I asked!"  
  
Aeris: " 105 106 107."  
  
Tifia: "Hurry! Tie and gag her before we all end up like Selphie!"  
  
Selphie: "Hey! I resemble that remark!"  
  
Tifia: "Well duh."  
  
(Out away from the group, where Zidane and Cloud are fighting, a dark shadow emerges.)  
  
Zidane&Cloud: *gasp*  
  
  
  
SAP: "Who is the dark shadowy figure? Will Dagger wake up again? Will I find something to do with all the toenail clippings from last chapter? Find out next time on:  
  
Lost in e-mail.com! *dun, da dun dun, DA DUN!*  
  
Soul_Mage: "Whoo hoo! I've reached chapter 7 and I'm still going strong!"  
  
Tom: "That's 'cause you just ate some caffeine enriched ice cream."  
  
Soul_Mage: "Anyways, this story is going along farther than I thought it would! I've got thousands of ideas that I'm considering throwing in. Oh yeah, by the way, if any of you have reconsidered and want to be cameod in this, when you review for this chapter: please write a description of your personality, looks, and if you feel any connection with any of the characters. (For instance, if Kuja were in here (which eventually he might) I'd start blasting him with my semi-phenomenal, nearly cosmic powers! (Itty-bitty living space.))"  
  
Please review, my inbox needs a reason to live.  
  
Soul_Mage: " I summon a chocobo!" (Chocobo appears and I give it gyashi greens) "There, good chocobo."  
  
Chocobo: "kweh." (Steals my ice cream before pecking me on the head)  
  
Soul_Mage: "NOOOOO! It stole my ice cream!"  
  
(Soul_Mage and Chocobo disappear into fight cloud)  
  
Soul_Mage: " Later!" 


	8. Fond Farewell to the Readers

**10-10-06**

**SoulMage**: Er… Hi… uhm… yeah… This is kind of awkward for me because I know I'm being a big hypocrite. I always hate it when stories I've been following along with suddenly end on me. cough cough Trigun Sleepover.

Uhm, anyway, I have been wanting to kick the bucket on this story for about 2 years now, partly because I didn't really have time to write it, partly because I didn't have inspiration, but mainly because it wasn't fun to write anymore.

I came up with and wrote this story in 8th grade, about 3 years ago. I was mainly just bored out of my mind at a new school where I was… let's just say unwilling to make friends. And I love Final Fantasy games.

However, now when I go back and read this, I'm just filled with disgust at my writing. I've been told that I'm hypercritical of my writing skills even in my _real_ stories, but I don't think that it can be denied that this pretty much sucks. The writing itself is terrible and a lot of what I put into it is embarrassingly stupid. I could make a list a half-mile long describing how much is wrong with it, but I don't think I'll subject you readers to that. sweatdrop

I would like to thank you all again for reading and commenting on my crappy story, and give you all one last session of the Reviewer Corner for everyone who ever reviewed.

Spirtmage: gah, Jewels, can't you even spell 'spirit?'. Lol. Sorry I couldn't ever put you or Chris in this.

Thanks for reading even though I know you've never played any of the FF games.

Marty78: You reviewed most of my chapters for this, and I greatly appreciate that. I actually owe you a lot of good times; I really enjoyed RPing on your site when it was still alive. And I eventually created my own chatsite as you know, and have had long funny conversations with my best friend/cousin on that site, so I guess this story has done some good. :D Anyway, hugs I actually got to know you, and that rocks.

Kekachi: Er… I know that my writing was bad, but I can't help but feel sorry for you on a level. I can't even begin to imagine what kind of spite you were housing within you to spend the time to flame a middle-schooler's fanfic. shrug I hope things got better for you, so that other more impressionable kids aren't put off of writing because of such hateful words.

Meowix Neko: Glad you enjoyed it while it lasted. And glad to see I'm not the only one who uses this face - - Sorry, no Goofy. He pops up in the Kingdom Hearts games though. :)

Wufei aka Em: I wrote a little more since you commented… sweatdrop Sorry if you continued to read this and hoped for another chapter. Oh and BTW, I AM THE STUPIDITY! XD Peace

Yasha Clstmk213: Sorry again. I really did try to continue, it just didn't work out. :D Like a bad relationship!

AlphaBlades: I always loved reading your long comments! The longer the better, gives me more to work with. Not to mention that they were really funny :D Sorry I was always confusing you. Have fun with all those extra digits you got there. And remember; "Good reading good times" -

Esence of the dead: - I never really watched Yugi-oh, but my friends were (and still are, come to think of it) really big fans, so I had to throw him in. Glad you liked the random appearance. It made me laugh when I came up with it. :)

I love cows: Why do I get the feeling that I should know who you are? Meh, anyway, glad you liked, sorry it dead.

**SoulMage**: I'm pretty sure that's everyone. Sorry if I somehow overlooked you. If so, you're more than welcome to PM me angrily about how you're going to eat my soul with a spoon. Sorry again, everyone. I really did try to start writing it again for your sakes. It just wasn't meant to be. --' In my other fanfictions to come I'll likely include a character or two in the intros and such for old times sake, and you can be sure that the SAP will never die. So there's something at least. :)

If you like fanart though, I'm always making new stuff and posting it at and Both of at which I'm known as Misachi-chan. Please comment, I miss ya'll. :)

Chao luvs. And Logging off…


End file.
